Maybe, this time...

For many nights now I have sat at this very computer infront of this very screen trying, trying, TRYING to let it all come out.

You see, I know once I have started this, I am not going to stop. A diary of events is important. It's calming, a moment of respite, it's escapism.

It's escaping and it's facing reality. The harsh reality.

It's escaping and it's healing, it's accepting. Perhaps more importantly, it's acknowledgment.

It is something that cannot be forced. It would not be true to say I have been in denial, for I have felt more in the past few weeks than in the past few years. My body is coming back to life. Whether I indeed hate that aforementioned existance is largely irrelevant, it is refreshing to feel emotionally turned on.

My soul is replenished, perhaps with searing pain, but replenished it is and the ability to express sadness is something that inherently makes us human, and something that had been lost altogether from within me.

It is a comfort to feel it once more. To search out the depths, for it is only when looking for loss that we truly can feel every part of our being. That part is perhaps the most indescribable of all.

Nothing and everything does not do it justice.

I do not hope to do it justice on this blog, for it is is a language that goes beyond our understanding. To touch someone you love, to feel that grip slowly slipping away. When we try to contemplate it logically, we cannot.

Tears protect us from the truth.

Love shields us from the wilderness.

Every other feeling can be expressed in words. Either, we have not reached our full potential yet, or the answer lies in some higher force.

I had hoped to tell the full story tonight. Yet suddenly, I feel overwhelmed. Yet still, a little more at peace.

And that is why the rest will follow.

The process has begun, and it will complete.

What starts, must come to an end.

Whilst the last few precious breaths are taken, they will be written about, and remembered.

It is only right.

Goodnight, loves.

We will meet again shortly.

Be prepared.

It won't be easy.